This isn’t easy to read – But it could save your family heartbreak
I’ve always known why I do what I do. Financial planning isn’t just my profession it’s a calling born out of painful, life-changing experiences. It has probably been what has got me through tough times, to know I can use what was bad for me to be a positive for others. Through my work, I see clients’ private realities not just their wealth, but their health, their vulnerabilities, their grief and I can learn a lot to share with others too.
What happened to my family
This summer, my mum died. Lung cancer, not what ultimately caused her to die, I am certain, but death never arrives exactly how or when you expect. The cancer hadn’t worsened, but the treatment is a lot for anybody. Mum didn’t want to know her prognosis, I’m not sure I would either, but that made planning even harder, a simple conversation when the going was good, became impossible.
The way she died and the events as they unfolded only worked to compound the lack of preparedness. The 90 seconds before mum died are seared into my mind. Fortunately, we were together as a family for the first time in years, my mum, both my sisters and me. We knew, although she didn’t, it was now a matter of days. Mum tried to get up in the middle of the night but fell. I ran down the stairs to her aid and lifted her back into bed. The stress was too much and she was gone.
It was 3.40am on one of the hottest nights of the year. I was exhausted. My mind wasn’t in a good place. And suddenly I was faced with a situation I had never truly prepared for. The 999-call triggered someone to certify the death. But now it was on me to find her Will to figure out what she wanted for her own body.
The next 20 minutes were the worst of my life.
Opening every drawer, every cupboard, searching for a document I knew existed. My only thought was: if only I could wake Mum up and ask her.
I eventually found a Will dated 2004. No mention of burial or cremation. I kept searching, hoping there was something more up to date. Nothing. And then we had to decide. Three siblings, in shock, trying to remember half-conversations from years past, none of us entirely sure. We took a vote. I compromised. And it felt horrible.
Even the practicalities were a nightmare. Not every undertaker answers the phone at 4am. And even those who would don’t in a heat wave when deaths spike. In the end, Google star ratings decided for us. And then came the upselling! Every choice, every extra, at a time when all you want to do is grieve. I was even given a wallet sized remembrance card 20 seconds before the service started, reassured I could contact the office if I wanted more!
All the searching, the guessing, the compromise could have been avoided.
Why I’m telling you all this
That’s why I’m writing this to you. This isn’t just a sad story; this is what happens to thousands of families every year when planning hasn’t been done or hasn’t been shared. And it is something I want to spare for you and your loved ones. I can be an example of what to avoid.
Below is a link to a simple crib sheet. If you can, do it now, take a few minutes to think about the unthinkable. Don’t leave it until “later” as too often later never arrives. Make it easy for those you love to know your wishes when you can’t speak for yourself.
